first sail

[parch]

war down ...window drive
war down war down
blue horizon comin clear
grey road stretches beneath the fragile light and erases the distance to here and from here and comin closer, closer to there
a distance...a horizon
the sun rising
truth like a bay glistening and waiting for the first sail
truth like a child's open arms
truth like fire, like wind, like rain
war down truth now
simple breeze the first still light of dawn
slowly tips the boat. awake. alive. warm.
in my dreams
in my head
this bright light
this simple breeze, melting with a melody
this is it
this is alive
this is alive

___---parch

[machinery]

I looked back on this, and I want to reply to it. I want to like it, but I am hesitating. What war is down? what? *shakes his head* There are some parts I really like in this..and some parts that I don't. To me, this work seems glitchy. I like that. but, you seem to get poetic right in the middle of it.
"truth like a bay glistening and waiting for the first sail
truth like a child's open arms
truth like fire, like wind, like rain"

To me, this doesn't go with the rest of the poem. It's too elegant for this work.

"slowly tips the boat. awake. alive. warm."

Great work. One word sentences, ideas. Great with the periods, makes them strong.

The ending was nice. This is alive.....